Venus of Cicatrix
2022 was a rough one for me. First, I was diagnosed with additional major systemic allergies. Hours later I was informed I was to be laid off in 4 months time. Then 4 months after that, I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. It was a pretty shitty year!
The double mastectomy choice was a no-brainer given my imaging and biopsy results. Surgical pathology showed only non-invasive cancer and clean margins and nodes. This meant no radiation, no chemo, no hormone treatments, no continuous mammograms, nor future biopsies. And a <1% chance of reoccurrence. It’s the cancer equivalent of hitting the jackpot!
The decision to stay with a flat closure, or choose from a myriad of reconstruction choices was quite a bit harder. Society definitely has a preference toward reconstruction. But with my allergy profile there was not a fat chance in hell I was choosing implants, and I also have a history of reacting to the tiny fraction of nickel in surgical stainless steel and titanium — which means micro vascular surgical clips would also pose a danger.
I am a passionate martial artist. At the time of diagnosis, I only had a year before being eligible to test for my 2° black belt. An endeavor requiring stamina, flexibility, strength — and full-contact. Was I really willing to go through the average of 6 additional surgical procedures in the next couple of years? Reconstruction is entirely different than augmentation. You literally have to sacrifice additional areas of your body to replace what cancer stole. For many, reconstruction is a way of denying cancer and defiantly snatching back a bit of themselves. What makes a person comfortable in their own skin is truly unique to that individual, and I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT HERE TO SUGGEST MY CHOICE IS BEST FOR EVERYONE. However, my boobs would never have made a list of things-that-make-me-ME. Ultimately I was not willing to give the cancer gods a speck more of myself if I didn’t have to.
A year later, my scars are healed. I struggle with nerve pain and some cording/adhesions along my scar. Sometimes I’m less than thrilled with how my clothes look. But I’m healthy. I’m strong. I worked my ass off and I just earned that 2° black belt I wanted sooo badly. In short? I’m still me.
So when the opportunity came in the form of an editorial challenge to create a piece of jewelry and photograph it in a way that tells a story, I was eager to add my voice. If my story, my art and my image could make anyone’s decision that much easier, then my journey through this mess would be worthwhile. Even if it was helping them chose differently than I did.
Here is my creation - Venus of Cicatrix (which means the Venus of the Well-Healed Scar).
Do you want a Venus of your own that reflects your hard-fought battle scars? You can commission a custom made-to-order piece here.
